He Is....

He Is…

April 27, 2014

I know all of you have heard the echo’s of how there’s no good men out there and how all of them are dogs.  And yes just recently I had a conversation with a young man that I hadn’t seen in a while who came to town and almost made me believe those statements were true.  He wanted to get together and catch up.  I was like sure no problem.  He was here at a convention and apparently working the convention.  He invited me to be his guest at one of their after parties.  Unbeknown to me, he was working the event.  But I still had fun.  So the next day I contacted him to see if he would like to get together and just chat to catch up since we hadn’t had a chance to talk. I wanted to get to know him a little bit before he left the city.  It was a text conversation that went something like this:

Me: Hey let’s try to get together before you go. When do you leave?

Him: When what time where?

Me:  I’m heading to church.  After that?

Him:  Well I have to help my mother pack later? Can we meet this morning?

Me: Sure, we could grab breakfast or a cup a coffee before I go to church.

Him: It would help me on time if you came to the hotel, you’re already up and  I have to pack.

Me: No problem

Him: Room 5026

Me: Leaving now, throw on some clothes and meet me in the lobby.

Him: OMG, you’re being difficult right now. If you don’t feel comfy dear, please just go to church, you’re making it harder than it has to be.

Me: No I don’t feel comfortable being in your room.  What’s wrong with just grabbing a cup of coffee in the lobby? But that’s cool I’ll head to church.  Have a safe trip back.

Him: Because all my frat is gonna be all down there…

Me: I understand that but I just don’t want to be in your room

Him:  My room is where there will be no outsiders… nevermind… I see you didn’t want to know me the person.

Me: Well you didn’t want to leave the hotel & you couldn’t meet me later so I’ve ran out of options.

Him: You could have just come here as stated… you opted out

Me: you told me to forget it and go to church

Him:  I’m just a private person and I don’t want all my frat in my business

Me: I understand. I would just like to meet without being in a hotel room. Sorry I’m just a little old fashioned like that.

Him: That’s just ridiculous… Old fashioned is just plain old… it’s 2014 plus were not strangers like that no biggie I just see your difficult and stuck in the 1950

Me: I really don’t know you that well and I see that you’re not the type of person who really wants to make a woman feel comfortable.  So sweetie have a nice life….

Now after an exchange like that, one would think that all men are dogs

and I would have to agree, that man is a dog.  No real man who cared about a woman would invite her to a hotel room to talk! Really did he think I fell off the turnip truck yesterday! But I’m digressing.  This blog is a tribute to all the good men out there who’s holding it down. Who’s taking care of their families, communities and society as a whole.

I will continue to say don’t believe the hype that there are no more good men left, especially good African American men.  I know what the media would have you think that and from my last conversation,  well I can’t quite call him a man so I would say boy would be enough to make you believe it as well.  But the CDC (Center for Disease Control) wrote an article regarding the myth of African American fatherhood that shed some much needed positive light on our men: (http://thinkprogress.org/health/2014/01/16/3175831/myth-absent-black-father/).  Go to the article and read how engaged these fathers are.  Continue the research and you will see that African American men are present and doing what is necessary to take care of family and themselves.  Men of all races are holding it down!

I must say I know several good men from my father, brothers and a few excellent men that I met along the way.  So ladies if you have a good man, please affirm him and give him the love and respect that he deserves.  For the single ladies out there, appreciate the good men in your families and who are in your close circles.  It is a gift to have them in your lives!

Remember that song by Heather Headley He Is?  The course goes a little like this: 

He is
The mind injector
The heart protector
The soul defender of anything I fear
The baby conceiver
The make me believer
The joy bringer
The love giver
He is
The dough increaser
The pleasure releser
The hard knocks knowler without the scars to show ya
The night school teacher
The good life preacher
The caretaker
The kiss craver
He is

My tribute to all the good men out there!!!!

Until next time… Enjoy the journey!  I know I will!

Check me out at www.janicebrantle.com, Facebook and twitter.  Oh I finished my third book Angel’s War!  It should be coming out soon.  This is a must read!!

Does Single Equal Lonely?

 

Does Single Equal Lonely?

March 2014

Why do people automatically think that you’re lonely if you’re single? These same people immediately try to fix you up with old broke down Joe, who has no hair, a missing tooth and is jobless.  They figure someone is better than no one.  What in the world!!! Y’all heard the saying “I can do bad all by myself!!”

Well let’s explore this idea that single equals lonely.  I have researched myths about being single.  First we are going to look at it through biblical eyes, since you know I’m on my journey to becoming a better Christian.  According to www.bible.org,

10 Myths about being single:

1.     All singles, especially women, want to get married

2.     Single men are irresponsible

3.     Singles are sexually frustrated

4.     Singles are wild swingers

5.     Finding the “right” person will solve all your problems

6.     Marriage is God’s highest calling

7.     All single adults are lonely

8.     Singles are basically selfish

9.     Only a large church can offer something for singles

10. Single adults don’t understand family life.

Interesting right?  Now for the myths about being single according to the secular world:

According to psychologytoday.com:

1.     That you are interested in just one thing – getting coupled

2.     There is a dark aura around you – you are lonely and your life is tragic

3.     If you get married you will be healthier and you will live longer

4.     Everything is always about you

5.     Your work won’t love you back and for women your eggs will dry up

6.     For men- you are horny, slovenly, and irresponsible, and scary criminals

7.     Single parents- Kids are doomed

8.     You’re incomplete

9.     You will grow old alone and you will die alone

10.  That couples get all the breaks like perks, deals on insurance, vacations gym memberships and it’s the single people who pay full price that subsidize this.

There’ s several overlaps but the general consensus is single people are lonely, angry, unhealthy miserable human beings who’s only goal in life is to get married so they can be happy. With all of these misconceptions about being single it’s no wonder that there’s some people out there who try to get hitched by hook or crook.  Not so     !!!!!!!! 

My truths:

1.     If you love yourself and living the life you want you are never alone

2.     You are happiest when you are true to yourself – single or hitched

3.     Singleness is a state of mind.  It’s what you make it

4.     Being single allows you time to find your true self

5.     Allows you to enjoy life uninhibited

6.     True joy is knowing who you are and that you are complete all by yourself

7.     Alone equals serenity

8.     Enjoy the journey if you are meant to have a mate he or she will find you

9.     Freedom is a good thing

10. God loves you single or coupled

Being single is not the end of the world.  So enjoy your single journey, be all that you can be.  That way when your mate shows up he or she will have a lot to discover about you.  You won’t be boring.  You will be interesting and unique to your mate, which is sexy by the way!  Until next time…..

Enjoy the journey.

Feel free to check out my books and past blogs at www.janicebrantle.com or http://gloriouslifeofthefabulouslysingle.blogspot.com/

Reference:

Bible.org: 10 myths about being single

www.psychologytoday.com  10 myths about being single people:

Dating Me

      

    Ah Valentine’s Day is coming.  Hmm do I dread it or do I embrace it this year with my new found love of singleness! I once had a party on Valentine’s Day called the “Lonely Hearts” Valentine’s Day party.  A friend and I invited a few people over and we played games, drank and ate.  We actually had a great time but man wasn’t that a negative title.  Note to self… all negativity must go!

            So I think this year, I’m going to embrace Valentine’s Day especially since I’ve decided to love my singleness.  I’m going to be my own VD date.  I’m going to go out to dinner – a nice dinner at that and have a good time with me.  Ah but wait will I look like a lonely dufiss going out to a nice restaurant on Valentine’s Day for dinner alone?

By the way why is it that women are afraid to dine alone or go to a bar alone?  Now let me just say that I dine alone all the time.  Being a writer, it’s cool to sit and people watch under the guise of eating.  But Valentine’s Day is different right?  Wouldn’t it be like telling the world you are alone and lonely?  Or would it tell the would that you are confident, beautiful, and that you are so proud of your singleness that you were able to go out on a date with yourself on Valentine’s Day?!

During my research on the subject of eating alone I came across a few positives.  The first and in my opinion the best positive is the fact that people will view you as confident.  Now there’s a way to go out to dinner alone.  You have to stroll in the place like you own it and like you eat alone all the time. You can’t slink in there and whisper that you want a table for one. You can’t look around nervously like you hope no one will see you.  You have to look around confidently.  Then you dress the part. You have to look absolutely fabulous! Please don’t go to dinner by yourself looking like you just rolled out of bed!  That would be a sure way to remain single.  I think you’re getting the picture.

The second positive is you get all the attention.  This is truer when you put your big girl panties on and head out to the bar by yourself.  You know guys; they are too shy and have huge egos.  If they’re going to get shot down they don’t want to have it done in front of all your girlfriends!

Third, it builds your self-esteem.  You start to feel empowered that you don’t have to have a girlfriend babysit you or a man on your arm to enjoy a meal on your own.  You know, it’s an “I am woman hear me roar” kind of thing.

So back to Valentine’s Day though, what’s a girl to do?! Should I do all the things I just told you to do and sing the girl power anthem “I am woman hear me roar” and go to dinner alone? Or should I wimp out and stay at home cause I don’t have a boo?

Let me know what you think.  Holla at a sista….

Catch you next month…

Leave posts, comments and suggestions at:

www.janicebrantle.com

http://gloriouslifeofthefabulouslysingle.blogspot.com/

Double Double!

       

            Ok it’s a brand new year! Yay 2013 is dead and buried!  Hallelujah!  I don’t know about y’all but I had a funeral for my 2013 and I am glad it is dead and gone.  So I told myself that 2014 will be my year!  It was confirmed by my pastor who declared that this is the year of the double double – meaning the year that what has been taken from you will return to you in quadruple portions!  So with that I want my double double portion!

            I have a new attitude of expectancy and a new drive to succeed but wait um I’m still single.   So when did “single” become a dirty word to women over 30 who are still living in the land of manlessness? I had to have a talk with myself, you know that positive self talk we’re supposed to have every now and again. I said to myself, “self, it’s ok that you are still single.  I love my singleness.  Ah I think?!” It’s hard to walk in your singleness when every magazine, news story, social media site tells you that you are a big fat looser when you’re single!  Now it may not be as bad for men, and if I’m wrong men please chime in and set me straight but for women being single is like have a death sentence hanging over your head. With 112 million unmarried people over the age of 18 in the United States, that’s 47% if you like percentages, I don’t know why being single is such a big issue!

Here’s a snippet of what we single people have to look forward to every day, all day long:

According to “Online Dating Magazine there are approximately 2,500 online dating sites in the United States and more that 5,000 world wide. Ah yeah I would have to agree.  There’s match.com, chemistry.com, eharmony.com, okcupid, plenty of fish, black people meet.  I yi yi the list goes on and on. 

Then there’s the dreaded conversations every single person has during the holidays and dreads by the way but thus has to endure.  You know that conversation, the one that starts with something like this:

“So you still single eh?” then you give them the look, the one that says please shut up ever so politely but the person never takes the hint. So you say

“Why yes I am!”  With an exclamation point like you’re really confident in your singleness! Then they say something really stupid like “So you like being single, or you’re really into your career, or you afraid of commitment” or any other stupid insensitive thing… Which sets you to thinking, “Maybe something is wrong with me”.  Then you go down this destructive path of finding a mate by any means necessary.  About halfway through the next year you realize being single is not so bad until you get back to the holiday season again and the cycle continues. 

So this year I’m getting off that roller coaster!  I’m going to embrace my singleness and have some fun with it and I’m taking you with me. This year’s blog is going to be dedicated to the glorious life of the fabulously single. We are going to explore what makes being single great.  I will have guess bloggers who are single sharing what’s fabulous in their lives so you all can get an idea of what it truly means to be single and how you can love being single while God has you by yourself. Oh and by the way I will probably share with you a funny story from time to time about my wonderful dating life!!  So if you’re with me say a hearty Hell Yeah and let’s start enjoying the journey!  Until next time!

Please feel free to leave your comments, email me your comments and share the blog with your friends, family co-workers etc…. I would love to hear some of your stories about being single especially from the men! You can reach me at:

www.janicebrantle.com

jlbrantle@yahoo.com